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BDSM For Everyone: The Best Beginner-Friendly Sex Toys to Explore Your Kinks

There's no need to be afraid to try something new in bed, and we've interviewed the best sexperts out there to help you discover your innermost desires — safely

By Nishka Dhawan

Nishka Dhawan

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March 24, 2023

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BDSM Sex Toys

Nishka Dhawan

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Biting, kissing, moaning, caressing, we all have our own love languages when it comes to the bedroom, and many of us are still in the process of discovering what really turns us on — what really brings out our truest desires.

You’ve probably heard of the term kink or BDSM before, but shied away from it because maybe you thought it was too intense, or maybe your only window into what BDSM was through the lens of ’50 Shades of Grey.’ I’m here to tell you that BDSM is for everyone, and there’s a safe way to learn about your desires, that might not seem as overwhelming as movies and books make it out to be.

In fact, a recent study published by Psychology Today shows that “kinky play often enhances relationships and increases emotional intimacy.”

Below, we’ve interviewed multiple sexperts and outlined just what BDSM is, and how you can incorporate it into the bedroom, especially if you’re a beginner.

What is BDSM?

Simply defined, BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism. What it really is though is exploring your sexual preferences and behaviors in a safe space between yourself and your partner. This could include using restrains, gags, paddles or even just submitting to your partner in bed. You could identify as someone who’s more dominant but still enjoys submitting once in a while, or you might be into light bondage and prefer not to refer to yourself as dominant or submissive — and that’s totally fine!

“What’s kinky to you may not be kinky to others and vice versa.  Take the time that you need to explore and discover what pleases you and what does not please you,” says Taylor Sparks, an Erotic Educator and Founder of Organic Loven. Sparks also recommends taking the time to read a few books to educate yourself about what kink and BDSM truly are and maybe even attending a workshop or two to familiarize yourself with it before you dive in. One final reminder: “Remember that consent is sexy.” And, always make sure you’ve got a safe word on hand, just in case you or your partner get too overwhlemed in the moment.

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Everything you need to get started right down below. Every one of these BDSM sex toys comes highly recommended by experts.

What are the Best BDSM Sex Toys?

1. Saffron Layer Paddle

One of Spark’s favorites is a paddle. “The Saffron Ping Pong paddle is a good start as it is a padded paddle and gives great sound upon connecting with the body but is not a heavy hitter,” she says. This paddle has a soft vegan leather exterior and a wrist strap to make it easy to wield or store.

Buy Saffron Layer Paddle $23

2. Bondage Mini Book

Reading is a great way to introduce yourself to BDSM. One of Spark’s highly recommended books is the Bondage Mini book. “This Bondage mini book offers great information and how to tie knots for the beginner that is just starting to explore rope play,” she adds.

Buy Bondage Mini Book $9.99

3. Velvet Prime

A dildo is an easy way to introduce a level of kink into your relationship. Velvet Co. makes customizable dildos, which can be used completely hands-free (with an added accessory) if you’re also looking for solo play. You can choose the head type, color of the toy, and add your own favorite accessories to the mix. It’s bendable, features multiple speed options and can be used for both anal and vaginal play.

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Buy Velvet Prime $278.48

4. Under Mattress Restraint

Lola Jean, Sex Educator, Mental Health Professional and Domme, mentions that an mattress restraint is one of the first kinky toys she bought herself. This one in particular fastens under your bed, carefully hiding way until you need to use it. “ You have the option to use wrist restraints, ankle restraints, or both! I love that the restraints are plush, comfy, and secure and much less risky than rope,” she adds.

It’s a great intro toy to BDSM and has Jean’s stamp of approval.

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Buy Under Mattress Restraint $49.99

5. Turquoise Teal Leather Flogger

Jean recommends using a flogger as it can be used to tease or also administer small bouts of pain. “I love the versatility of a flogger. It can both be used for impact play and also as a sensation tool.” She also insists on buying floggers from independent retailers (like Etsy) for the best results. This one has a “buttery soft feel”, features a leather build and a long handle for easy grip.

Buy Turquoise Teal Leather FLOGGER $34.95

6. Wartenberg Pinwheel

Lorrae Bradbury, kink coach founder of Slutty Girl Problems, recommends the Wartenburg Pinwheel if you’re trying to get into pain play. “I love this toy because you can use light, teasing trails or get more intense with firm pressure. Trace it along your curves (like your waist and hips) or across your more sensitive spots (like nipples and vulva) for a squirming pain/pleasure combo,” she says. It’s got a grippy handle, a 22-spoke wheel and has a nickel-free stainless steel build that won’t tarnish over time.

Buy Wartenberg Pinwheel $14.99

7. Sex Position Master with Restraint Cuffs

If you’re more into bondage, she recommends this Sex Position Master with Restraint Cuffs. “ Easily cuff your wrists and ankles in nearly any position, with comfy cuffs and easily adjustable straps,” she says, for anyone trying this out for the first time. “I love this cuff set because it requires no special set-up and has endless possibilities — whether you prefer doggy style, missionary, or bent over the kitchen counter.”

Buy Sex Position Master with Restraint Cuffs $86

8. Lovehoney Colorplay Color-Changing Silicone Nipple Suckers

Nipple clamps might seem intimidating to some, and that’s where nipple suckers come in. Bradbury says “the gentle suction enhances blood flow and heightens sensation, so your nipples will be extra-sensitive to touch.” You can use it on your partner by itself or pair it with a tickler or a flogger for a more intense sensation. These particular nipple suckers also change color as things heat up in the bedroom, according to the brand.

Buy Lovehoney Colorplay Color-Changing… $16.99

9. YELO Open Mouth Gag O-ring

An O Ring is another toy Bradbury recommends, especially the kind of O-rings which can either be plugged in or as Bradbury suggests, left “open to use your mouth for ulterior motives.” This YELO gag ring has an adjustable strap for comfort and is compact enough to take with you on the go. There are a bunch of ways to use this accessory, but the best part is how versatile it is. “You can get so creative with this accessory, setting a power-play scene where you’re bound and gagging, then instantly switching the mood to go down on your partner (all with the accessory still in the scene!)”

Buy YELO Open Mouth Gag O-ring Gag… $9.77

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